mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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