I am puke
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
