Im at strip club and am horny
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
