We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
