Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
organizing the empties. That sober.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
