How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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