yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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