i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
