fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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