Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
