I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
