Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
