she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
false alarm, still single
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