Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
