I cannot find my penis.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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