too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think my moral compass just broke
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