Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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