dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
