why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you made out with another girl for some wings
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
