i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
