I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
