If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
