My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
