Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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