I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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