He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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