The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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