pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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