Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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