Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
