No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
