Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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