I think my fart just growled at me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
