if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
