just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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