trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
