at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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