shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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