I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize