Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
