Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes