...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.