ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!