I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.