i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink