No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now