I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.