Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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