dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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