dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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