I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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