i don't like sucking hair
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
