i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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