I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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