I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize