You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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