I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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