My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
