I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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