the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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