I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
