it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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