He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
