So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
