somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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