I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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