My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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