so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
