I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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